Phantom Pain

Everyone knows that I own the title as the World Worst Pumping Mother.

Okay, I'm not THAT bad at it, but pumping has been a pretty dismal experience.  The best position that I've discovered to pump in while sitting in my car (in the backseat to take advantage of the privacy window tinting) is to attach the shields using a hands free bra, then to lean forward and rest my forehead against the driver's head rest.

It this position I've got a lot of things working for me:

~gravity~

The milk flows straight into the bottle and I don't want to worry about losing any if I break suction.

~privacy~

Regardless of the window tinting, I'm even more covered in this position which psychologically helps me to relax and not worry about passersby catching a glimpse of the girls.

~comfort~

It's a very comfortable position.  My knees are my armrest, I can relax my shoulders and I can close my eyes and try to cat nap.

~entertainment~

20 minutes is a long time to sit and think.  If I'm not in the mood to sleep, the next best thing I've found is playing a game on my iPod touch.  I tried Angry Birds and Cut the Rope (both of which are great games) but I wasn't able to relax during either one.  Sudoku however has been great for my production.  Although I'm trying to beat my high score (4:37 for a Medium difficulty game) it's more of a methodical mental challenge and I'm able to almost completely forget that I'm pumping only to look down and be surprised by how much I've expressed.  Fabulous.



Needless to say, the positives are numerous.

But there is one negative.

I get phantom kicks.

Phantom pain and phantom sensations are widely known to affect those that have gone through limb amputation, and are beginning to be recognized for those that has had an organ removed, but few discuss the phantom kicks you can feel after pregnancy.

Besides being a sweet reminder of your previous pregnancy, they cause you to scramble to a calendar to check your dates.  They make you question your sanity.  And they made me - on cycle day 1 mind you - take a pregnancy test.

Phantom kicks are vicious little things...

We've probably felt these little tingles and vibrations all our lives but never really noticed them.  Once your mind knows to attribute that sensation to a baby, however, I think that sensation becomes a hardwired connection to pregnancy.  In actuality it's probably just a uterine or abdominal muscle spasm, possibly even a little gas, but it will send a sane menstruating woman into a tailspin of "Am I Pregnant?" emotions.

Evil.

Perhaps the most evil of all though was when I had a phantom kick while talking to my RE.   ....

REALLY?!?!

Have you ever experienced phantom kicks? 

If so, how far postpartum were you and where is the strangest place you've experienced them?