Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Nipple Biter

Hannah is a nipple biter.
Well, that really doesn't explain it.

You know when you're sucking on a lollipop and then you pull it out of your mouth and make a loud POPping noise.

Hannah does that with my nipple.
At. Ever. Feed.

Needless to say, it sucks.

When she was a day old we discovered that beyond just my good looks and ear lobes, she also inherited my labial (upper lip) frenulum.

Is that a new word?

Your Frenulum is the band of tissue that connects your upper gum to the inside of your upper lip.
Run your tongue in between your gums and lip. 
WAY up at the top you should feel a little tiny flap of skin.
Hannah's extends ALL the way down, so in effect her upper lip is tacked in place and she can't flange her lips out to breastfeed properly.

We asked the pediatricians at the hospital about it.  They had checked to see if she was tongue tied (she's not) but they hadn't even though to look at her labial frenulum as it's  'so rare'.

I said earlier that I had an issue with my frenulum as well. 
Mine wasn't snipped until I was about 8 years old and by that time it had effected my front teeth causing a HUGE gap that I was very embarrassed about, as well as it became pretty invasive oral surgery since it had gotten thicker over the years.

I wanted to avoid this at all costs because I remember this experience - and it wasn't a good one.

So I asked the pediatricians at the hospital "Oh it'll be fine!"
I asked her pediatrician at her 2 week and 2 month check ups "She's gained all her weight back so she's feeding fine.  I say leave it alone."

Well now she's 4 months old and I want something done about it.

Her suck is starting to be affected as she's not able to form a good seal.  Now that she's a little older and distractable, anytime she turns her head it POPs my nipple out and I want to scream.

Or throw her.

Seriously, it hurts.

Since it'll need to get cut sooner or later and it's affecting her ability to nurse, we've decided to get it done sooner.

As in Friday.

I'm so nervous about it - it feels like there is a fish out of water flopping around in my tummy when I think about anything being cut on my baby.

Hopefully she forgives me. :)

If you could keep her in your thoughts and prayers through, that would be great.


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Being a Big Baby

Sometimes I feel cheated out of the experience
of having a tiny tiny baby.
Granted, there are a lot of downsides to having a smaller newborn - sleeping, feeding, soothing-wise - but cuteness wise,
tiny babies are hard to beat.

Hannah was tiny once. 

In utero.

She was 9 pounds, 6 ounces and 22 inches long
when she was born. 


Don't get me wrong - she's tall like her momma, with a cute button nose like her daddy and the prettiest blue eyes I've ever seen. 
I couldn't have baked a cuter baby.  But she is not tiny.

Ever since then she's been growing and maturing at a lightening fast pace.  She's only (almost) 4 months old, and already she is rolling and trying to crawl (more of a tummy crawl), she talks non stop, she's trying to master the fine art of jumping in her jenny jump up and laughs hysterically at the puppies playing.  She prefers Jack Johnson over John Mayer and is already proving to have a pretty good sense of humor. 

And now she can hold her bottle.

As a breastfeeding mother, it strikes fear into my soul when I see her holding her bottle as fabulously as she was.  Why? 
Go with me here:  It's like I've been replaced! 
She LOVES her bottle.  She gets excited when she sees it and if it is left in her eye line she just stares at it. 
Granted, she does the same with my boobs, but stop trying to distract me from my mommy meltdown. 

I joined Hannah for some quality tummy time on Sunday while enjoying a nice bowl of soup. 
Hannah rolled and twisted and turned herself (!!!) so that she was facing me and then watched - mesmerized - as I ate my soup.  She followed the spoon from the bowl to my mouth again and again.  She wasn't distracted by conversation, she was far too focused to discuss the beauty of her stuffed elephant.  And then, on the tenth or so spoonful, she did it: 
As the spoon reached my mouth she stretched her neck as to get closer to the spoon and licked her lips.

*bam* Cutest moment of the day.

Also equally scary.  She's showing such an interest in solid food! 
It makes me realize that although we had prepared for moments like these by freezing pureed veggies grown last fall in our garden, I wasn't ready to feed them to her yet!  She's a baby! 
She's 4 months old.

Going on 2 years old.

I'm so proud of my mature little girl, but am sad that her bump-on-a-log baby phase passed so quickly.  While it's amazing to interact with her, it makes it all too real that when people say "They grow up too fast..." in a wistful tone, they mean it.  

Like a Sine Wave

(math joke)

My hormones were CRAZY the past few weeks. I could cry at the drop of a hat and usually did multiple times a day at work. I felt guilty and sad and anxious and restless and just wanted to go home. {pout}

But it seems that I have my big girl panties on this week and everything is in check. Whew.

I had a history of anxiety in college.
It turns out that moving to the East Coast to start your big fancy college career only to have 9/11 happen days later and have everyone around you affected is a lot to take in for a po-dunk farm girl. It affected me more than it should have. After I graduated college I was able to get it under control and no longer had to take medication for it.

I digress.

So when I got pregnant I was concerned that I would be at higher risk for postpartum depression.

I think PPD is something that mothers who have been made aware of the likelihood are very concerned about. It was my second biggest fear.

Losing Hannah was obviously my number 1 fear, but not being able to enjoy her was a close second.

I feel very blessed that I didn't have any issues the first few months besides just general sleep deprivation induced whiny-ness, but when I noticed my moods trending more and more sad, I was concerned. But I think it was just a momentary hormonal flux and that things have righted themselves.



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