Cut Yourself Some Slack

Six years ago Chris and I were on our Honeymoon and dreaming about the life and family that was to come.  We were sitting poolside in Mexico drinking from coconuts, zip lining through the rainforest, parasailing over the ocean.

That's me parasailing!

It was idyllic.  We had no idea that we would soon be facing infertility, that it would take seven cycles of fertility treatments to conceive, or that we would be told that IVF was our only option for a second baby.

Newlyweds

It was a tough journey to get here, but we've also been so blessed along the way.  We got our very first positive pregnancy test on Christmas Eve - hands down the best present ever - and our second child was miraculously conceived naturally while on a break from treatments - much to the shock of all our doctors.  Both of our children are happy and healthy and amazing.  I recognize the struggles, but I choose to focus on the positive.

If it wasn't for my infertility diagnosis I wouldn't have started vlogging 5+ years ago, and I wouldn't have found an amazing group of supportive women that would walk this journey with me.

I love my little corner of the internet.
I love that I can share my struggles and my successes with people that understand.

Have you ever heard the quote "Comparison is the thief of Joy"?
I think it fits really well with my experience in the YouTube and online Mom communities.
Whenever I see someone that makes a fabulous video, or comes up with a really great idea for a vlog topic, I find that I berate myself a bit.  "Why aren't you doing more with your channel?  It's been a week since you vlogged!"  I get so down on myself.

And then William spills a cup of water all over himself because he's still learning how to tilt the cup without falling victim to physics and gravity.
Or Hannah brings me three different colored legos and asks me "What color does orange and red and white make?" so I bust out the paints and we discover that it makes a pretty pinky peach color.
Or I get a phone call at 8am just as I've sat down to edit that day's vlog and it's our caseworker asking if I can bring my foster son to the office for a visit with a family member - in an hour.  So I drop everything and pack a diaper bag.

And then I remind that inner voice to cut me some slack.

Being a mom is a big job. period.

There are so many things I want to do and can never seem to find time for.
I'm in awe of some women that seem to do it all - raise cute kids, edit videos every day, write witty blogs, volunteer at the soup kitchen, refinish Goodwill furniture and still have time to sip a Starbucks coffee with perfect nails and hair - but I've come to terms with the fact that I'm never going to live up if that is the ideal.

So I've made my own ideal for a life well lived.  Well, I'm *making* my own ideal.  It's evolving.
It's also full of a lot of cliches, the first of which is: Comparison is the thief of Joy.

How often have we achieved a goal only to realize someone else has surpassed it, and immediately the victory has turned into a failure?

We can choose to be jealous and turn that negativity on ourselves or others, or we can start training that voice to be positive.  To congratulate them on their success and to learn a thing or two from them, because the thing to remember is - their success doesn't equal your failure.

Their child speaking in French at 20 months doesn't mean you're a failure as a mother.
Their channel reaching 534k subscribers doesn't mean your channel sucks.
Their house being suspiciously devoid of any stray toys while they vlog doesn't mean you're a failure as a SAHM.

It means they are rockin' it.
High five them and move on.
Cut yourself some slack and just do your best.
I promise - it's enough.

Lessons From The Playground

Most of you know that Chris and I have recently become foster parents.  I've been discussing this new journey over on my YouTube channel, so if this comes as news you can catch up here (Foster Care Playlist) and hear about our first placement here (1st Placement).  Recently we provided 5 days of Respite Care for a 4 year old boy.

Respite Care: Respite care refers to one foster family caring for another family's foster children for a short amount of time. This allows for the children's original foster family to have a break. This type of foster care is especially helpful when foster children have behaviors such as seen in many therapeutic foster homes.

Before I get too deep into this story I want to tell you about something that happened a few weeks ago.  I took both kids grocery shopping and it was a great outing - they listened, we laughed, they were helpful - I walked out of that store loving my kids and feeling like I had this Mom thing figured out.  I put the groceries in the car while Hannah buckled herself into her car seat, and then I went to put William into his driver's side car seat.

As I lifted him out of the shopping cart I noticed a mom and her teenage son walking towards me.  The boy had the start of facial hair and looked sullen with his head down.  I thought nothing of it, in fact he looks pretty much like the typical teenage boy stuck grocery shopping with his mom on a Saturday.  She slowed to open the trunk - turns out they were parked next to me - and put the groceries in her car, but he kept walking.  She called after him and asked him to wait (I was trying to buckle William in at this point and help Hannah adjust her chest clip) but he kept walking and proceeded to open the car door forcefully into my back and got into the passenger seat.

Normally I would have been annoyed.  If I was having a rough day I might have even had a dirty look or a few choice words for the son (and perhaps even the mother if I was really looking for a fight), but I was in a great mood and it didn't phase me.  The mom rushed over apologizing profusely.  "He has autism.  He doesn't even know you're there."

I could see it in her eyes, she was trying to beat me to the punch by explaining, but was braced for judgement.  I smiled.  "No worries.  He's fine.  No harm done."  I tried to convey everything I felt with that smile - not pity, just understanding from one mom to another.

On the drive home I thought about that mom, and since that day I've continued to think about her.  I wonder how many times she's had to apologize like that, how many times she's been met with judgement instead of kindness.  I've never been so thankful to have been in a good mood.  She unknowingly reminded me that we're all just doing the best we can and a smile and some understanding goes a long way.

Fast forward to our respite care placement with Travis* (name changed to protect privacy).  He was fairly new to the foster care system.  He'd been with this family for 6 weeks after he was found wandering the streets in a diaper.  Yes, he's four years old and not potty trained.  He also didn't speak more than a few words.  From what I understand he's on a waitlist for a pediatrician that might give him a diagnosis other than neglect.  I suspect (strongly) that it might be Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

Regardless, he was a perfectly sweet little boy.  When you sat with him you could see his deficits: His voice and hands had tremors which made talking and eating difficult.  He could build anything with legos, but couldn't understand interlocking puzzle pieces.  He was friendly and kind, but he also didn't understand personal space and would often get in Hannah's face and wouldn't stop when she asked nicely - or when she yelled not so nicely - for him to back away.

But on the playground he looked like any other 4 year old.
He had limitless energy and loved going down the slide.  He made friends because he was so outgoing and nice.  He ran and played for an hour without the smile leaving his face once.

I took Hannah, William and Travis* to the park and everyone had a great time.  William tired first and so I sat on the bench next to the other moms and he sat on my lap as we watched the big kids play.  Then it happened.

Travis went down the slide and his shirt flipped up in the back.  As he ran around to the ladder his diaper was visible above the waistband of his jeans.

"Is that boy wearing a diaper?!" exclaimed one mom.
"He's not potty trained yet? That's just lazy." muttered another.
"I wonder what's wrong with him.  Maybe he's slow." posed the third.

I was frozen in my seat.  Stunned silent.  Flabbergasted.
I wanted to call them out for their judgments and point out that he's a little boy that's been through hell.
I wanted to ask them if they'd ever changed a 4 year old's dirty diaper.  Honestly, it's gross.  It's much easier to be a 'lazy' parent when your child is potty trained.  I can't remember the last time I put Hannah in a pull up or diaper.  Life after potty training is a breeze comparatively.
I felt so judged as his 'mom'.  I wanted to advocate for him.  I wanted to hug him and protect him from their words even though I knew he hadn't heard them.  I wanted to pause that moment and have time to figure out the best way to handle this situation.
Instead, as calmly as I could I said "His name is Travis, and he's doing the best he can."

I stood and collected the kids and we went home.  Hannah exclaimed "This was the best day ever!" from the backseat and Travis* asked "We go back?" and I told him we could return tomorrow.  Inside I felt defeated, and sad, and slightly proud that I had said something instead of letting their judgement continue.

A week later and I'm still not sure what I should have done.  Travis has since returned to his foster home, but in many ways I'm still back on that playground.  Thinking of those moms, of all the children like Travis*, of the future foster children I'll care for and the judgements they'll receive.

I suppose I wrote this to remind you to smile at the mom, for an ounce of kindness goes a long way, and to be mindful of your words, for they carry more weight than your realize.

“I have learned silence from the talkative, 

toleration from the intolerant, 

and kindness from the unkind.” 

~Khalil Gibran

Tip Toeing in the Tulips - Throwback Thursday

Springtime in Oregon means a trip to the tulip fields for our family.  I shared footage of our trip in last week's Week In The Life vlog (WITL 56), but thought I'd share some more pictures from this year - and last year!  When I look back at our annual tulip pictures I see more than just flowers and smiles.  I can see everything we were feeling as a family at that moment.

Last year we went a little earlier in the season because we wanted to bring Christopher's parents out to the fields while they were visiting from Minnesota.  In this picture William is just 10 days old, which means I'm 10 days postpartum - and I look haggard.  I was exhausted, and I've got some impressive sleep deprivation wrinkles.  We had just begun the process of transitioning to a family of four, and the growing pains were tough for everyone.  Hannah was so excited to have the attention of 4 adults including 2 grandparents that were doting on her, and was so proud to wear her big sister backpack she'd received at the hospital the week before.  It was windy that day and in my rush to pack for our first family outing with TWO kids, I forgot a coat for myself.  I was cold and could barely walk the fields, but wanted to badly to sit that aside and savor this day with both of my children.

Thankfully this year we hit the fields on a gorgeous sunny April day with fields fully in bloom, two kids excited to run around a farm, and everyone got 8+ hours of sleep the night before.  William had no interest in looking at the camera and seemed to attract every ounce of dust and dirt in a 5 foot radius of him.  He even managed to fall into the only mud puddle we saw that day.  He was caked in dirt by the end of the day and enjoyed every second of it.  

Hannah really hated posing for pictures.  The sun was too bright for this Northwest girl, and she would rather roam up and down the rows looking for broken flowers because she knew she wasn't allowed to pick any (farm rules).  Every time she saw someone that worked at the farm she explained that she didn't pick them, she found them, and she was going to take them home and keep them forever.

Chris and I had a wonderful day watching the kids explore.  I love this picture of us, and the picture of Hannah below turned out so cute!

 

Each year I take a picture of Hannah in the wooden shoes, and this year William joined her!  

It's amazing the difference a year makes.

For our first vacation as a family back in 2011, we went to San Diego with a 10 month old Hannah.  In the middle of Balboa Park, Chris took pictures of me throwing Hannah up in the air.  She loved it.

Just like his big sister, William laughed hysterically after every toss and I was able to capture some great shots of 12 month old William in the tulip fields.

I love the perspective of this shot.  He was so happy!

Watch the video below to see more of the beautiful flowers at the Wooden Shoe Tulip Farm in Woodburn, Oregon. (Video Link)

Who Does Hannah Look Like? Throwback Thursday

My mom posted this picture of me on Facebook yesterday.  

This is tiny Carla at 3.5 years old - the same age as Hannah.  

I cant believe how long my hair was, but what first struck me was the mischief in my eyes.  

I recognize it because I see the same look it in Hannah's eyes everyday.  

I've heard "She looks just like her daddy!" since the day Hannah was born, so I thought I'd compare this picture of me to some screenshots of Hannah from my recent video with her:

None of the poses match up exactly, but I think it's pretty obvious that she has my eyes and eyebrows.

So then I figured I'd find a picture of tiny Christopher and see just how much Hannah looks like him.

Isn't tiny Christopher just the cutest!?

When I added him to the mix I was blown away:

Hannah is our daughter.  There is no doubt about it.

It's like you put my eyes and hair on Christopher's face, but she really does look just like him.

It's neat to think that these little kids grew up thousands of miles apart, 

met at a frat party in college, and made a cute little family together.

Next time we'll have to compare pictures of William!

kinda creepy, huh?

How I Organize My Blog Files | Naptime Organizer

Usually I film my Naptime Organizer projects on YouTube, but today I focused on catching up with my photo and file organization.  I'm interested in how others backup their video and blog files, so I figured I'd share part of my current system to start the conversation.

Since I've been more active on my blog this year, I've used and created more graphics and photos for blog posts.  These files are watermarked and branded with 'theBubblelush' so I set them apart from my family photo archive and into their own business files.  I don't want to just delete them after uploading them to my blog, so I've created a system to back up my blog files.  I'll also share how I back up similar files for other social media platforms.

The first thing I want to direct your attention to are the files on the desktop at the top of the picture.  These five folders have very distinct uses for organizing images and photos:

• Vlogs - This folder contains all video thumbnails (sorted by year, then month), as well as any photo, graphic, or image created for the video.  An example would be a stock image of a product I received in a subscription box.
• Branding - This folder contains all the background music I've downloaded for use in videos.  It also is where I save all of my social media buttons and profile pictures, channel art, cover photos, watermarks, signature images, and my end slate graphics.
• Blog - Let's come back to this one.
• Company Logos - I use company logos quite often, so I save them here to save myself from having to redownload them next time.  Examples include: 
• Social media platform logos like YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter.
• Subscription Box logos like Birchbox, Ipsy, Citrus Lane and Kiwi Crate.
• Cloth diaper company logos like FuzziBunz, CottonBabies, and GroVia.
• Business Files - This folder is mainly for company records that I'd use for tax purposes like scanned copies of receipts, screenshots to prove items were a business expenses, as well as a separate folder for each sponsored social media campaign - like the Piggy Paint giveaway I hosted in March.

The 'Blog' folder contains any image that I use in a blog post including the raw screenshot or stock photo to preserve the original source image if I have it, and any final watermarked versions that I've edited.  (Other images like my blog header or social media buttons are all in the 'Branding' folder.)  Like the other folders, 'Blog' contains subfolders for previous years, and monthly folders for the current year (as seen above).  I label these folders with a 4 digit year, 2 digit month, 2 digit day for blog images, and a brief description so that they are sorted chronologically by post date, not 'date modified' or 'date created'.   

I back up the previous month's folder on the 1st of each month to an external hard drive, and delete old files from my iMac as needed to free up memory.  I suppose in this way I have a sort of triplicate backup - the online storage through Picasa/Blogger, my computer folder for short term storage, and my external hard drive for long term storage.  

Is this overdoing it a bit?  Perhaps.  It's not necessary vitally important to archive your blog images, but this system seems logical to me and I works well with the way I use my computer.

How do you backup your blog images?  If you're a vlogger - do you save your custom video thumbnails?  I'd like to hear about your file organization systems.

They're Always Listening

William is 12.5 months old, and while he makes a lot of noise, he's really only mastered the word 'mama' and occasionally 'dada'.  (Chris gets called 'mama' a lot.) But tonight we realized just how much he understands.

Hannah was napping, and Chris got home early from work.  He sat on the couch with me and William and you could see him just decompress and relax after a long day.  His shoulders rolled back, he melted down into a comfortable position, and he exhaled all the stress.  And for a beat we were quiet.

Then the dogs started scratching (loudly) to be let inside.

Usually this is Hannah's job - She let's the dogs inside and outside, and makes sure they have food and water - but she was still napping.  Chris, not wanting to get up, turned to William and whined "why can't you let the dogs in?".

William immediately launches himself off the couch and toddles towards the back door.  Naturally Chris and I turn to each other, "he's not really letting them in, is he?"
We both strain to see what William will do next, and see him reach up in an attempt to slide open the door to let the dogs inside.  (Thank goodness I've gotten in the habit of locking the back door each time I close it, or I'd have an escape artist in no time.)

And so we squealed, and clapped, and got really excited, because you see - He understood us!  He knows what "let the dogs in" means.

Which is shocking because every time we say "no", "drop it", or "come here" he smiles and runs the other way.

Stinker!  He totally had us fooled into thinking he was a baby that didn't understand what we were saying, but he's been listening the whole time.

Superheroes Can Be Pink

My daughter Hannah will proudly walk up to strangers and tell them that she's three years old.  She'll then launch into entire conversations about her life, her baby brother, how much she loves Frozen, and that she wants to be a superhero when she grows up.  

She is not shy.  She is bold, and brave, and charismatic.  

Her favorite color is pink, and she knows all the Princess' names, 

but if anyone could make a living as a superhero, it would be my daughter.

We recently celebrated my son's 1st birthday and I let Hannah help me pick a theme.  Naturally it was a comic book themed party.  She wore her pink Super Hannah shirt with a sparkly cape, and a bow in her hair, and happily pretended to her a superheroine for the day.

When it came time to pick out items for her Easter basket, it was easy to pass by the Doc McStuffins and Princess figurines once I saw the Avengers Play Set.  That is, until I noticed what was missing - the lone female member of the Avengers - Black Widow.

I want to start by saying that this post isn't meant to bash or vilify Disney or any other company, but to join in on a conversation that already exists between parents, toy manufacturers, and advertising agencies about the "pinkification" of toys for girls, and the gender line that exists in the toy aisle.

We all know that our children are being marketed to, but it wasn't until I had my son and began purchasing toys for both a boy and a girl that the divide became evident to me.  The gender line goes beyond just a pink box, and all the way to the limit placed on what is marketed as appropriate for our daughters to play with.  To further prove this point, I narrowed the search parameters and just looked at Action Figure Toys available on the Disney Store.  There are TWO items for girls to choose from, both female characters, and to add insult to injury, "pink" was the only searchable color.

Whereas the boys have 21 items marketed to them (over 10x more than the girls), including both of the "female" toys shown above.  

I think two points are obvious so far:

(1) Disney does not market their superhero and action figures to girls.

(2) Disney admits that boys will play with feminine characters (like Jessie and Izzy dolls above) otherwise they would not be included in the 'boy' toys.

Back to the original question - if Disney believes that boys will play with feminine characters, then why create an Avengers play set that only includes 5 of the 6 members, and without the only female character?  Other play sets at the same price point include a minimum of six figurines, so the added expense of an additional figurine can't be it.  I'm left to assume that they deem her unimportant.  

And they're wrong.

Superheroes can be pink.

A stroll down the pink aisles of any big box toy department makes it clear that a demure Princess will always have a role in children's toys, but deep down Disney knows that there is a push for stronger female role models.  This is evident in their recent additions to the Princess line - 

Rapunzel of Tangled.  Merida of Brave.  Elsa and Anna of Frozen.

All of these characters exude traits of a superheroine: 

They are brave, independent, and strong.

Yet there still exists a line in the sand as to what they think qualifies as a 'girl' toy.

As parents, we have to be aware of how our children are being marketed to.  Gendered toy marketing might not create gender roles, but it does reinforce them.  And while it might be profitable, what is the long term expense to society and our daughters?

What is your favorite word?

This is my wordle.
{ http://www.wordle.net }

Wordle is a word tool that highlights the dominate words you use on your blog.  You can use it to figure out the best keywords for your site, which words you use too often, and to get an unbiased idea of the categories and topics that you talk about most often.

Obviously I've been on a diaper kick (cloth, diaper, fuzzibunz, rockin, green, scent).

I'd love to see your wordle.  What are Your dominate keywords?