Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Meet The Men of the Bachelorette - Episode 1 Recap

Before each season of the Bachelor and Bachelorette I check that the DVR is set to record and listen to my husband chuckle at how ridiculous the premise is.

I get where he's coming from.  Cramming 25 guys into a house (where they're sleeping in bunk beds 6 to a room - isn't this place a mansion!?) while they date the same woman, and compete for dates, roses, and most of all - time to sit down and have an authentic conversation with someone they could potentially propose to in a few short weeks is fairly absurd.

And while I'm not sure finding your soul mate amongst a group of guys assembled by a casting director has a better shot as success than walking into your local bar or supermarket, I have to admit that I'm looking forward to Andi's take on the experience.


But this season I'm doing it a little differently.  Instead of paying so much attention to Andi's experience and reactions, I'm going to focus on the contestants.  I wouldn't say I have a spreadsheet or anything, but I'm taking notes.  And screenshots.  And keeping track of the order they're called in the rose ceremony with a little red rose emoji on my iPad.

I've also assembled a Dream Team.
My husband laughed until I reminded him of his TWO Fantasy football teams.

But first, let's meet the bachelors, in order as they stepped out of the limos:

Marcus - 25 - Dallas, Tx - Sports Medicine Manager
I wasn't won over by him, but Andi seemed to be.  From his shaking hands, to his declaration that he has 'a lot to give and offer' she appeared to be impressed, and even exclaimed 'He is hot!' after he went inside.  I marked him as a Yes for a rose that night.

Chris - 32 - Arlington, Iowa - Farmer
Yes.  I liked that he was a little older, seemed sweet and genuine, and you've gotta admit - he's about the best looking "farmer" I've ever seen.


JJ - 30 - San Francisco, CA - "Pantsapreneur"
The guy walked out of the limo wearing a bow tie and looked like a lanky, awkward, cheese ball.
But Andi liked that he referred to the show as a "love quest"so I voted Yes.

Marquel - 26 - Las Vegas - Sponsorship Salesman
As one of the younger guys in the competition I was a little leery, but he's a smooth talker and appeared humble so I voted Yes.  Later, in a hilarious moment, he took Andi aside for a cookie tasting where he gave her a black and white cookie and told her to "Look to the cookie".  I promise, it was funny.


Tasos - 30 - Denver, CO - Wedding Coordinator
Based on first impressions I'm not expecting Tasos to last long in the competition, but he used his first moments with Andi to recreate the Love Locks that the bridges of Paris are known for and made a wish on the key as they threw it into the fountain.  
He won her over, but all I could think of was the intern that would later wade into the water to recover the key.

Cody - 28 - Chicago - Personal Trainer
Seriously?  No.  I'm sure he's a nice guy, but based on first impressions there is no way that Andi is going to marry him.  No Way.  He might make it through the night, but he's not making it to the end.

Steven - 30 - Encinitas, CA - Snowboard Product Developer
Next season I'm going to play a game where I cover their info and try to guess their profession.  I'd have gotten this guy's correct.  Andi labeled him the 'Cali Boy' and I immediately knew that she didn't see him as an equal and doubted he'd make it through the night.

Rudie - 31 - Long Beach, CA - Attorney
The first thing out of his mouth was "May I approach the Bachelorette?" and I knew he was out.  
Mr. Attorney was not going to last the night.

Carl - 30 - Fort Lauderdale, FL - Firefighter
He was a little awkward, but he came bearing gifts - a little globe in a box - and he's a firefighter!  Yes.

Jason - 35 - Wisconsin - Urgent Care Physician
"Do you have a fever?  Because you look hot!"  Do I need to say more?  No.

Nick V - 33 - Chicago - Software Sales Executive
I found him to be boring, but fairly harmless, so I voted Yes.  
Turns out he got the first impression rose!


Dylan - 26 - Boston - Accountant
The only thing I wrote down for him is "Hell Yes."  Wow, he stepped out of that limo looking like an original Abercrombie model.   Gorgeous.  He was flustered and forgot what he was going to say, but I think it helped him come across as more approachable.


Patrick - 29 - Newport Beach, CA - Advertising Executive
Raise your hand if you're shocked that this guy is an Ad Exec.  He screams 'country club' out of the gate, and is holding a soccer ball which brings up bad memories of Juan Pablo, but they make a joke of it and with one strong kick I decide that Andi might just be ready to date another Soccer player.

Emil - 33 - Cost Mesa, CA - Helicopter Pilot
When he introduced himself he explained that his name rhymed with 'anal'.  Done.  No.  
That's why you're single.  If there was a 'Worst' impression rose, he just earned it.


Brett - 29 - Westminster, PA - Hairstylist
His mother always told him 'never greet a lady empty handed', so he stole a floor lamp from the hotel and gave it to Andi.  I'm shocked he made it through the night.

Craig - 29 - Denver, CO - Tax Accountant
As soon as he stepped out of the limo he popped a bottle of champagne and sprayed it all over the driveway.  No.  He might make it through the night, but he's not lasting long.

Ron - 28 - Memphis - Beverage Sales Manager
The only thing I wrote down for him was 'Smooth'.  Unremarkable, but not offensive.  
He'll hang around for a few weeks.

Bradley - 32 - Michigan - Opera Singer
No.  I'm beginning to question the casting director's sanity at this point.

Josh B - 29 - Denver, CO - Telecommunication Marketer
I'm bored just looking at his picture, and I remember exactly nothing from their interaction.  
The only thing I wrote down was 'maybe'.

Nick S - 27 - Kissimmee, FL - Pro Golfer
He skipped the limo and rolled up in a golf cart.

Brian - 27 - Camp Hill, PA - Basketball Coach
Hello, Adorable.  Just look at how cute he was:


Andrew - 30 - Culver City, CA - Social Media Marketer
He looked like a pompous ass, but I'll admit that by this point I'm getting a little over it and ready to give the boys access to an open bar and see who make a fool of themselves.

Mike - 29 - Utah - Bartender
He said something about pretending they were meeting in a 'natural public setting' and what was meant as an ice breaker just came across stilted and awkward.  Then he slipped her his number.  No.

Eric - 31 - Citrus Heights, CA - Explorer
My faith is restored.  He is a gorgeous, adventurous World traveler:
A few weeks after wrapping up filming Eric died in a paragliding accident.  
I have no idea how far he makes it in the competition, but he seemed like an amazing guy.


Josh M - 29 - Atlanta - Former Pro Baseball Player
Finally - the last guy.  He's gorgeous, athletic, well spoken, and lives in her hometown - 
and exactly her type:

Rose Ceremony

Six guys went home at the first rose ceremony.  Let's take a second and say goodbye to:
 
Emil aka Anal

 
Jason aka Dr. Not So Funny

 
Josh B aka The B Stands for Boring

 
Mike aka The Bartender with no skills

Rudie aka The Attorney

Steven aka Cali Boy

This post was huge, so I'm going to share my Dream Team in a separate post.
Which Bachelor is you favorite so far?

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