Saturday, April 7, 2012

Note to Self: Do Not Nag

Chris and I made the decision before Hannah was born that we would work opposite schedules so that we could keep Hannah home and avoid daycare.  My mom was willing to fill in on the two days a week that our arrangement couldn't cover, and for 18 months it's been working pretty well.

Except that it's hard.

Chris and I hardly ever see each other, 
and the three of us only get a few hours a week together as a family.  
Entire days together are a rarity.

Reminders to 'put the diapers in the dryer' or 'can you pick up batteries for the smoke detector' are left on scraps of paper taped to the door, text messages sent before work, quick phone calls home on breaks.

quick.  short.  to the point communication.

I try not to leave imposing lists, as it's his weekend to relax too.
But there is a household to run, and we're all juggling a lot of ToDos.

Sometimes I feel like a nag.

On one hand, 
without these reminders diapers sour in the washer, 
mail doesn't reach the post office, 
and batteries are forgotten.

On the other, 
even when it's proceeded with a please, 
and followed with a thank you, 
I still feel like I'm barking out an order.

So I turn to you
especially those households with two working parents,
and too many tasks to do, 
What is your definition of 'nagging' 
and how do you avoid doing it?

12 comments:

  1. We try not to complain when a request is forgotten. Its one thing to ask your spouse to do something. It is quite another to chew their booty out for something that didnt get done. We aren't. Always the best at this, but we try to keep it in mind.

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  2. I feel like "nagging" constitutes anything that the other partner already knew they had to do. If I tell my husband "wash the bottles before she goes to bed".. well, yeah. He was already going to have to do that. He would have remembered. If he tells me "the laundry's been in the washer all day", he knows I would have gotten to it, and I knew I had to do it. Anything short of that is just sad but necessary "to the point communication". I try to break it up with nice texts about the cute things the kids do while he's away, and that's the most we can expect to soften the blow for each other when we leave to-do lists.

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  3. I totally understand the "NAGGING"!! Both of us work fulltime jobs, Noah goes to a sitter during the day and older boys go to school. We spend the evening together but I feel like a mother of 4 boys sometimes. And im not alone as I've talked with MANY other wives/mothers. I have to "ASK" Matthew to do the dishes, "ASK" him to start the diapers as his mind doesn't work like mine. We've had many of arguments and he tells me "Britney, I just don't think of those things!" (Cleaning, store, diapers, clothes, household stuff) He does work a physically exhausting job, and I DO try to understand that. I get to sit down all day and he has to stand for 8-12 hrs. BUT I also have to come home and cook, and clean and think about what else needs to be done. I sometimes just wish HE KNEW what I wanted , but I know he doesn't.
    I couldn't handle not seeing him all the time. He could take a 2 or 3rd shift position just to make more money, but he doesn't want to only see me in passing in the mornings, or just a little before he gets out the door for work, and Im coming in. To me it is worth finding a person that can watch your chil so you can both be together as a FAMILY at night. Its nice having a 2 parent household but what is the good if they never see the 2 parents "together"... AND totally not saying what you are doing is WRONG!!! :-)
    Its a struggle juggling life, family, work, and being a wife!! You just have to find what works for YOUR family! xoxox Britney

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  4. ChristinecfitzgeraldApril 7, 2012 at 5:12 PM

    Tricky one, Carla. Why don't you try asking Chris what HIS definition of nagging is? Perhaps you'll find that he really appreciates a 'to do' list as it takes the pressure off him having to remember.

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  5. I agree with Christine. For me, it just took giving up some of the things that I considered important before having kids. Like a clean house and overall neatness. My husband asked me to put a list on a white board eraser on the fridge with things that I needed him to do around the house like fix the toilet seat, change the light on the microwave, bathe the dog... The general rule I gave myself is that I should not expect for them to be done right away. As long as they eventually get done (sometimes weeks, lol) I don't bug him about it.

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  6. Tough one-- maybe in addition to the "to do" notes, once in a while slip him a sweet little love note? May make him feel more appreciated :)

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  7. My husband says I nag a lot. But now those of us who work are juguling three huge tasks. Working, running a home and being a mother. So we had/have to ask for help. It makes me sad that asking for help is now cosiderd "nagging" IF my husband new everysingle thing it takes to keep this house running I would glady take a note asking me to do this or that. But he does not so I will conitnue to ask for help/nag.

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  8. we make a list n decide what is who's chores, n now my son is 4, we make few things around the house as his chores which helps.
    that way you don't always have to ask or remind each other.
    my husband has a physically demanding job n i feel bad asking him for help n i stay home, n i dont ask for much during a week but now we just had 2nd baby i need some help.saturday morning we play up beat music and the whole family clean together n its kinda fun that way its done quicker. also got roomba
    n it vacuum at night for us, works really good till it needs good vacuuming w dyson.

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  9. Not sure why Carla is asking a question on here when she NEVER answers questions on her facebook, YouTube posts, blog posts or emails.

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  10. I try to keep it funny like "may we please go play with all the other trash bags outside? - the kitchen trash" "we are tired and want to go home to be with our family - the folded laundry"

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  11. I remeber this......we did this for years it was so hard...... Please remeber to spend time on your relationship as well..... It would suck for hannah to have avoided daycare just to have mom and dad not together anymore...... Hang in there you can do it :-)

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